Basketball great Michael Jordan has been a staple at Nike for three decades. His shoe line, “Air Jordans” is still the most successful brand in the world and his proprietary “jump juice” that gives the sneakers their air-like quality is one of the most valuable patents in history.
All that is over now that the company has chosen a new direction for its future. Rather than back athletes and iconic influencers like Jordan and others, Nike has gone woke and chosen a man pretending to be a woman, Dylan Mulvaney, as the new face of its brand.
“They no longer align with my values,” said Jordan, “the partnership with their new friend is nice and all but it’s not for me. I can take my shoes to any company ibn the world. I’m not Kanye.”
We checked and Michael Jordan is, in fact, not Kanye. He does, however, own the patent on the anti-gravity air pockets that make those shoes unique. People don’t understand the technology that went into those things back then.
“Five-seven white dudes wanted to dunk,” said Nike marketing director Joe Barron, “so we made that possible. Nowadays they just want to look cool. Kids these days are soft.”
Air Jordans will continue to sell under the Nike brand for the foreseeable future but also maybe they won’t if enough patriots boycott them like Yeti and the NFL.