My fiancé and I are planning our wedding. She comes from a large family. She has 5 sisters, most of them have kids. 4 of her sisters are her bridesmaids, one is serving as maid of honor. I come from a smaller family: just my parents, my sister and my niece, Brynn. Brynn is 3 years old and pretty much my best pal. I’m her godfather,I love her to bits.

I didn’t mind when my fiance didn’t choose my sister as his maid of honor, and my sister was cool with that too. I felt a certain way because I have all 4 of my fiance’s sisters-in-law in the wedding (per the fiance’s request), but at the end of the day, that’s her side of fun, she can do whatever she wants.

Then it was time to choose the newest roles in the wedding. Her eldest nephews are the youngest groom, the youngest ring bearer. She has only one granddaughter, Aubrey, who is 4 years old. My fiance wants her to be the flower girl. I said that’s fine, but I also want Brynn to be him. They could walk down the aisle together, that would be so cute. Bryn likes to play with Aubrey so they get along well.

My fiance says he wants our wedding to be “traditional” so there can only be one flower girl. I suggested that Brynn could hold a sign or something while Aubrey throws the flowers. My fiance said no, he can sit with his sister and parents.

At this point, I insisted and said that Brynn would be the flower girl. I texted my sister and asked her, she agreed. My fiance got mad and I said it’s my day too, Bryn means a lot to me and she will be in the wedding. My fiancee and Aubrey’s mom are mad at me, saying I’m stealing Aubrey’s attention. Am I a jerk? What should I do?

Update:

This morning my fiance and I sat down to talk about marriage in general. I raised Brynn and Aubrey. My fiance kept saying “it’s tradition, let Aubrey be the center of attention.” She knocked down compromise after compromise (Aubrey walking first, Brynn blowing bubbles or holding a sign, etc.). Finally, my fiance was honest. She doesn’t want Brynn at our wedding because Brynn has Down syndrome. She said that everyone will look at her, feel sorry for her, etc. Turns out it wasn’t Aubrey’s focus, it was my freaking fiance. I told him to steal it, called him skilled and told him not to worry, there will be no more spotlights to steal because there is no wedding.

I left our apartment, stayed with my sister and played with Bryn. My phone blew up with texts and calls from my fiance. Magically, she is now ready to compromise. It’s taking me a while, but I’m probably done.